Medical Science's Best Bloopers and Outtakes

While we can never fully come to terms with the throes and devastations we are dealt by the natural world, that doesn’t stop us from trying to mount a saddle on the very worst of it. Along the way to a closer understanding of virtual infinity, there have been stubborn and idealistic, if not necessary, shots in the dark with the hopes of an eventual hit, a glimpse of enlightenment.

Conversion Therapy

Championed by conservatives and conservative-minded people, conversion theory is anything but a joke, that is actually valid as a school of medical thought. Also known as the “gay cure,” this treatment is alleged to reverse the onset of homosexuality as if it were a kind of disability or acquired trait. A big gray area in psychological study, homosexuality has been probed for ages, by both Freud and his daughter Anna, and hasn’t come up with any valid conclusiveness that can be pinpointed under a microscope. Obviously controversial, the therapy has resulted in pulverized self-esteem/worth and the occasional chance of suicide. After all, what can be expected when a child is told something he can’t control is “not right” with him. What comes to mind is Nazi scientists measuring Jewishness against intelligence level: xenophobia is a terrible inspiration for scientific research.

Insulin Shock Therapy

One of several controversial forms of “shock therapy” which involve, essentially, shocking a patient’s system into making a desirable change. Oftentimes such procedures apply to schizophrenics and those with severe cases of mental illness. With this particular example a patient is administered gradually increased doses of insulin until they seize and sink into a several day coma. The thinking is that some kind of normalization will lie on the other side of the coma, when more likely it’s just death. Here we have another “Try Anything” treatment that feigns to be medical science, and not just a bunch of intrusive tinkering, the likes of which aren’t unlike kicking a TV to get it to work right.

Human/Animal Testing

While such is necessary as an ultimate step, going straight from hypothesis to dissection is wildly reckless, not to mention inhumane. This fact wasn’t learned without making some mistakes along the way: in testing the effectiveness the first polio vaccine, human subjects were used with little to no discrepancy. Few were able to live to tell about it. Now precautions are observed with great fastidiousness and humans are only called in when certainty is closely realized. The fact remains that animals are often used as a human substitute, which is no less cruel if you believe in animal rights. There are alternatives to animal testing, championed by most activist groups, such as plants and bacteria, lifeforms that don’t feel pain, where the only sacrifice is timeliness.

Cocaine

The ultimate painkiller, cocaine used to be prescribed for a variety of mundane ailments, ranging from depression to headaches, and was naturally the best sought way to make all bad feelings turn to good ones. That was before it became illegal, or any kind of official evaluation or prolonged study turned out any possible negative effect of treating the stuff like aspirin, such as the addictive qualities, possibilities of overdose, and psychological/cardiological detriments. Freud himself had more than a bad habit, which explained all his vivid dreams, and saw no reason his patients couldn’t benefit themselves from his favorite nose candy. While it may have lost its favor in medical science, it maintained its popularity in nightclubs straight into the eighties.

Barber-Surgeons

You may notice whenever you go to get a haircut by some lost-in-time WWII vet who really loves baseball, something that looks like a slice of a giant candy cane marking the door. What you may not realize is the origin of such a universal staple which goes back to when haircuts and major surgery shared a common denominator: the barber-surgeon. The red and white striping hails directly from the bloody bandages which said hack-artist would drape around a pole. Thankfully barbers these days only operate with a pair of hair clippers and the occasional lollipop.

Blood-Letting

Blood-letting stems back to an ancient Greek tradition, where in which blood would be drained from an afflicted individual in order to balance the bodily “humors” which were thought to be the determining factors of one’s health. This practice was kept up in medieval Europe as barber-surgeons would drain blood to rid toxins.

Radiated Water

Before radium was seen as a radioactive health hazard, even while it’s used as a form of cancer treatment, it was inserted into water and marketed as a possible fountain of youth. (There was also a time when smoking was thought good for you.) It was suggested that it provided an undefinable “spark of life” when consumed, a death-defying miracle treatment of sorts. It was even put into toothpaste and other household goods. We still sell extremely dangerous substances(i.e. any not-yet-recalled prescription drug) under the pretense that it’ll make life so much better, that is assuming it doesn’t kill you.

Leeches

Even while leeches are still used to this day, it’s not often you go to the doctor complaining of a sore throat and he pulls out a juicy leech as a remedy. Barber-surgeons relied on this natural blood-letter to fix virtually every medieval ailment, thinking it could drain all impurities in a really good suck session. While it sounds barbaric, leeches do have true medical merit; they are used in some kinds of reconstructive surgery to prevent clotting, as the leeches produce a special anti-coagulant enzyme (called hirudin) in their saliva for that very purpose.

“Rest Cure”

Pioneered by Dr. Silas Weir Mitchell in the latter half of the 19th century, this controversial treatment was prescribed mostly to women who were seen as “hysterical.” The treatment called for a virtual surrendering of autonomy of women seen as some generic form of “not well.” Resting, in these terms, meant no reading, movement, talking, or imagination of any sort. As such, women striving for empowerment were rightfully taken aback by such medical suggestion (e.g. Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s short story “The Yellow Wallpaper” which emphasizes the mad tyranny in perpetually being told to stay in bed by a better-knowing man).

Peg Legs

Peg legs were the prosthetic limb of choice for pirates and Civil War-era amputees who wanted to get their hobble on. A crude hunk of wood fastened to the remaining leg-matter, a peg leg was an option for upright mobility that today is a lot better than was the case a few hundred years ago: nowadays artificial legs and prosthetics allow the legless to run in Olympic-caliber strides, and move about without looking distinctly “parrot less.”

Bizarre Medical and Surgical Treatments

The history of medicine is filled with stories of strange tonics, outlandish remedies, and curious "cures." While some of these disgusting medical practices do work, some don’t, they’re still used as a measure to treat certain diseases.

Smoking

For centuries doctors prescribed smoking for a variety of ills and while this does still happen (though the doctor’s generally don’t want it publicized) the numbers of doctors who do this has become extremely small. Research with regard to neurological diseases, evidence suggests that the risk of developing Parkinson’s disease or Alzheimer’s disease might be 50% lower in smokers, compared to non-smokers.

Nicotine has also been found to improve ADHD symptoms and appears to have effects in the brain that are similar to those of stimulants. Although such findings should certainly not encourage anyone to smoke, some studies are focusing on benefits of nicotine therapy in adults with ADHD. Recent studies suggest that smokers require less frequent repeated revascularization after percutaneous coronary intervention (PCI). Risk of ulcerative colitis has been frequently shown to be reduced by smokers on a dose-dependent basis; the effect is eliminated if the individual stops smoking.

Fecal Bacteriotherapy

Fecal bacteriotherapy is used in the treatment of certain inflammatory bowel disorders such as ulcerative colitis. The treatment comes in form of a series of enemas given to the patient over a five day period. In order to create the liquid used in the enema, a “poop donor” is needed. In other words, a sample of poop is taken from a healthy person (usually a relative of the patient) and turned into a liquid for anal insertion. The idea is that the healthy bacteria from the poop provider will grow in the sick person and heal them. What is perhaps even more revolting than an enema of someone else’s poop, is the fact that the liquid can also be delivered via a tube in the nose.

Helminthic Therapy

Helminthic therapy, a type of Immunotherapy, is the treatment of autoimmune diseases and immune disorders by means of deliberate infestation with parasitic worms (helminths) or their eggs. This is such a cure-all that it is also occasionally used in the treatment of hay fever and asthma. Depending on the particular autoimmune disease in question, infection with helminths can result in remission of symptoms in as high as approximately 70% of patients. The worms are administered via oral doses which are taken repeatedly over a course of weeks and can result in some fairly severe side-effects. Some patients can receive up to eight doses of 2500 worm eggs over the course of their treatment.

Leech Therapy

Medicinal leeches are now making a comeback in microsurgery. They provide an effective means to reduce blood coagulation, relieve venous pressure from pooling blood, and in reconstructive surgery to stimulate circulation in reattachment operations for organs with critical blood flow, such as eye lids, fingers, and ears. The therapeutic effect is not from the blood taken in the meal, but from the continued and steady bleeding from the wound left after the leech has detached.

The most common complication from leech treatment is prolonged bleeding, which can easily be treated, although allergic reactions and bacterial infections may also occur. Devices called “mechanical leeches” have been developed which dispense heparin and perform the same function as medicinal leeches, but they are not yet commercially available.

Bloodletting

Bloodletting is the withdrawal of often considerable quantities of blood from a patient to cure or prevent illness and disease. It was the most common medical practice performed by doctors from antiquity up to the late 19th century, a time span of almost 2,000 years. In the overwhelming majority of cases, the historical use of bloodletting was harmful to patients. But, bloodletting has not died a death – it is still one of the most effective treatments of excess iron in the bloodstream and for treatment of excess red blood cells which can occur in diseases such as porphyria. In the old method, the patient was cut and a suction cup was placed over the wound to draw out blood. In modern times syringes are used.

Urine Therapy

The term urine therapy (also urotherapy, urinotherapy or uropathy) refers to various applications of human urine for medicinal or cosmetic purposes, including drinking of one’s own urine and massaging one’s skin with one’s own urine. A practitioner of urine therapy is sometimes called a psychopath. Just kidding, they are actually called uropaths. There is no scientific evidence of a therapeutic use for urine. Urinating on jellyfish stings is a common folk remedy, but has no beneficial effect and may be counterproductive, as it can activate nematocysts remaining at the site of the sting.

Urine does contain substances that are beneficial, such as Vitamin C; however, these substances have been excreted because they could not be used or because they were present in excess, so re-taking them will just result in re-excretion. The most obvious physiological effect of drinking urine, at least when it is taken on an empty stomach, is bowel movement (sometimes in the form of diarrhea) due to the laxative action of hypertonic solution of urea.

Dousing

Dousing is the practice of making something or someone wet by throwing liquid over them, e.g., by pouring water, generally cold, over oneself. Cold water dousing is used to “shock” the body into a kind of fever. The body’s reaction is similar to the mammalian diving reflex or possibly temperature biofeedback. Several meditative and awareness techniques seem to share similar effects with elevated temperature, such as Tummo.

Compare cold water dousing with ice swimming. The effects of dousing are usually more intense and longer lasting than just a cold shower. Ending a shower with cold water is an old naturopathic tradition. There are those who believe that this fever is helpful in killing harmful bacteria and leaving the hardier beneficial bacteria in the body. Steam may be seen to rise off of the body, especially when dousing in wintertime.

Electrocution

Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), also known as electroshock, is a well-established, albeit controversial, psychiatric treatment in which seizures are electrically induced in anesthetized patients for therapeutic effect. Today, ECT is most often used as a treatment for severe major depression which has not responded to other treatment, and is also used in the treatment of mania (often in bipolar disorder), catatonia and schizophrenia.

It was first introduced in the 1930s and gained widespread use as a form of treatment in the 1940s and 1950s; today, an estimated 1 million people worldwide receive ECT every year, usually in a course of 6–12 treatments administered 2 or 3 times a week. Most, but not all, published reviews of the literature have concluded that ECT is effective in the treatment of depression.

Mud

We are all familiar with the use of clay in health resorts where people bathe in it to improve skin conditions, but what many people don’t know is that clay (or mud) is also used in internal medicines. It is sometimes used as a coating on pills but it is also consumed in larger doses for the treatment of bowel disorders. Even NASA uses clay treatments: “The effects of weightlessness on human body were studied by NASA back in the 1960s.

Experiments demonstrated that weightlessness leads to a rapid bone depletion, so various remedies were sought to counter that. A number of pharmaceutical companies were asked to develop calcium supplements, but apparently none of them were as effective as clay. The special clay that was used in this case was Terramin, a reddish clay found in California. Dr. Benjamin Ershoff of the California Polytechnic Institute demonstrated that the consumption of clay counters the effects of weightlessness.”

Sweat Therapy

Sweat therapy is the combination of group counseling/psychotherapy with group sweating. Group sweating is social interaction while experiencing psychophysiological responses to heat exposure. Group sweating has strong cultural validity as it has existed throughout the world for thousands of years to promote well-being.

Examples include the Finnish Sauna, the Russian Banya (sauna), the American Indian Sweat lodge Ceremony, the Islamic Hammam, the Japanese Mushi-Buro or Sentō, and the African Sifutu. Group sweating has been used for various physical and mental purposes for thousands of years. It has been asserted that the potential health benefits of regular participation in Native American sweat lodges are numerous, but that there is a scarcity of research about the practice.

Famous Political Prisoners

From a Korean dissident to a nuclear scientist, via Vaclav Havel, we look at some of the world’s most famous political prisoners.

Nelson Mandela

‘Bring Back Nelson Mandela, Bring him back home to Soweto, I want to see him walking hand in hand with Winnie Mandela’, sang Hugh Masekela, a renowned anti-apartheid artist. Tried and convicted in the Rivonia trial for sabotage against the apartheid government, the black nationalist leader was deemed too dangerous to walk the streets of South Africa for twenty seven years, his demand for a non racial South Africa too much to bear. Masekela got his wish on the 11th of February, 1990. Mandela emerged from Victor-verster prison, a face until then unrecognizable to most South Africans, to a warm welcome from the teeming multitude who had come to catch a glimpse of their messiah. He then addressed a crowd at Cape Town by raising his arm and clenching his fist-the power salute which the world is now so accustomed to-and cried ‘Amandla, Amandla.’ The Jordan it seemed, had been crossed.

Aung San Suu Kyi

If success is a journey and not a destination, then Suu Kyi is a living embodiment of accomplishment. Because, through her two decade long struggle to bring democracy to Burma, she has maintained that the quintessential revolution is that of the spirit. Branded as a ‘terrorist’ by the junta and placed under house arrest since 1990, the leader of the National League for Democracy has handled her ordeal with extraordinary grace and dignity. At the age of sixty four, her zeal has not diminished, and her people march to that elusive quest of freedom and democracy.

Andrei Sakharov

History will be kind to Andrei Sakharov. Indeed, he had the advantage of scripting it as the father of the Soviet H-bomb, dissident and a political prisoner. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, a man who knew a thing or two about the prison system in the Soviet union, wrote that a “miracle occurred when Andrei Sakharov emerged in the Soviet state, among the swarms of corrupt, venal, unprincipled intelligentsia.”

Growing increasingly disillusioned with the incompatibility of the state mechanism, with the principles of individual liberty and human understanding, Sakharov made his ideas known to the world.’Our country, like every modern state, needs profound democratic reforms.’ he said, ‘It needs political and ideological pluralism, a mixed economy and protection of human rights and the opening up of society.’ The party exiled him to that obscure city of Gorky, but his legend only aggravated, culminating in his release in 1986. By then, Andrei Dmitrievich Sakharov had paved the way for the democratization of the Soviet Union by simply refusing to yield.

Bobby Sands

Invasion of the British consulate in Ghent. Balloons filled with tomato sauce hurled at the queen. Condolences from Tehran and Delhi. Just some of the many reactions observed when a twenty seven year old Irishman died of a hunger fast after sixty six days in Long Kesh. The whole objective of the fast was to get political prisoner status. Margret Thatcher thought otherwise, branding the IRA sympathizer as a rabble-rouser, and Bobby went to his grave smiling.

Mahatma Gandhi

‘Yeravda’ was the reply given by Mahatma Gandhi when asked about his address by a British interrogator. He wasn’t misinformed. In fact, India’s independence struggle was forged from the prison walls by the political mastermind, whose ideals of non violent civil disobedience brought about the end of British imperialism. Gandhi was unfazed by mortar, brick and stone. He successfully transformed the prison from a place of derision to a center of festive reunion, never flinching to return to captivity.

Vaclav Havel

“If you want to see your plays performed the way you wrote them, become president” said Vaclav Havel. If anybody would know, it would be him. Vaclav Havel transitioned from a writer of plays to the writer of his country’s destiny. When the Prague Spring ushered in Czechoslovakia’s winter of discontent, Havel scripted the Charter 77 manifesto, co-founded the Committee for the Defense of the Unjustly Persecuted and endured imprisonment with fellow artists. It is from prison- ‘the great school of self control’ – that the man demonstrated the potential of artists to shape the collective consciousness of a people, and thus alter the direction of a country for posterity.

Mordechai Vanunu

For a man of such rigorous discipline, Mordechai Vanunu was trapped by the most elementary of methods. The trial was a clandestine affair and, not surprisingly, landed him in prison for eighteen years, eleven of which were spent in solitary confinement. His release has not brought about much relief, and a broad array of restrictions are imposed on his speech and movement. What did he do? He exposed Israel’s nuclear program.

Xanana Gusmao

A modern day cross between the zeal and idealism of Che Guevara and the courage and integrity of Nelson Mandela, Xanana Gusmao spearheaded East Timor’s independence movement from Portugal, and later from Indonesia. Arrested in November, 1992, on charges of subversion and illegal possession of firearms, Gusmao began on a journey to free his people from Indonesian occupation. Superbly aided by Jose Ramos Horta, Gusmao was able to bring the plight of his people to worldwide attention. No amount of torture and intimidation could break the man, and he came out stronger than ever. His release, in 1999, was the precedent to a referendum and, eventually, to independence.

Yasser Arafat

No one person could inspire such conflicting feelings like Mohammed Abdel Rahman Abdel Raouf Arafat al-Qudwa al-Husseini. To some, he exemplified resistance, a man who turned a fledgling, rag-tag movement into a world renowned organisation, with sole responsibility for the Palestinians. To others, he was a vile terrorist with little respect for human rights. Towards the very end, though, his inability to make peace jeopardized his credibility as a statesman and the Israeli government besieged his home in Ramallah. It was from there that the gallant leader, once the face of a dispossessed people, still defiant, led his people . He was allowed to go to Paris for medical treatment, but he returned home only to be buried.

Kim Dae-jung

Kidnapped from a hotel room in Tokyo by members of KICA, General Park’s notorious spy agency in 1973, Kim Dae-Jung was brought to his Seoul residence, only to be placed under house arrest. Through his decades long struggle for democracy and human rights in his homeland, Kim saw his country swap one dictator for another, until the great liberator, financial crisis, brought him to power. The years of exile in America had secured him many admirers, and he tried to use that leverage to bring about that same fate for his brothers in the north, but not even an embrace from Kim Jong Il at Pyongyang prevented him from being voted out.

Truly Bizarre Taxes

The most ridiculous taxes to have been levied in both the past, present and future.

Urine Tax

Pecunia non olet (money does not stink). This phrase was coined as a result of the urine tax, levied by the Roman emperors Nero and Vespasian in the 1st century, upon the collection of urine. The lower classes of Roman society urinated into pots which were emptied into cesspools. The liquid was then collected from public latrines, where it served as the valuable raw material for a number of chemical processes: it was used in tanning, and also by launderers as a source of ammonia to clean and whiten woolen togas.

There are even isolated reports of it being used as a teeth whitener (supposedly originating in what is now Spain). When Vespasian’s son, Titus, complained about the disgusting nature of the tax, his father showed him a gold coin and uttered the famous quote. This phrase is still used today to show that the value of money is not tainted by its origins. Vespasian’s name still attaches to public urinals in France (vespasiennes), Italy (vespasiani), and Romania (vespasiene).

Fart Tax

The Agricultural emissions research levy (commonly described as a “flatulence tax” or “fart tax”) was a tax proposed in New Zealand, in 2003, to assist with compliance with the Kyoto Protocol. The tax would target the release of methane by farm animals, which, in New Zealand, account for over 50% of the greenhouse gas emissions. Needless to say there was an outcry due to the importance of farming in New Zealand and the Labour government eventually gave up their ridiculous idea to tax cow’s farts.

Crack Tax

The “crack tax” is a name given to the taxes on illegal drugs in Tennessee. The tax, under a law passed by the Tennessee General Assembly, in January, 2005, is applied to illegal substances, including cocaine, marijuana and moonshine. Drug dealers are required to pay anonymously at the state revenue office, where they receive a stamp to prove their payment. If a drug dealer is arrested without having a stamp, the state would seek the money owed it. 22 other states have drug collection laws similar to the crack tax in Tennessee; the law was based upon that of North Carolina’s. Another often taxed illegal activity is prostitution.

Beard Tax

In 1535, King Henry VIII of England, who wore a beard himself, introduced a tax on beards. The tax was a graduated tax, varying with the wearer’s social position. His daughter, Elizabeth I of England, reintroduced the beard tax, taxing every beard of more than two-weeks growth. The tax also appeared in Russia but for a different reason: to make the people shave as the Tsar considered beards to be uncultured. In 1705, Tsar Peter I of Russia instituted a beard tax. Those who paid the tax were required to carry a “beard token”. This was a copper or silver token with a Russian Eagle on one side and on the other, the lower part of a face with nose, mouth, whiskers, and beard. It was inscribed with two phrases: “the beard tax has been taken” and “the beard is a superfluous burden”.

Window Tax

The window tax was a significant social, cultural and architectural force in the kingdoms of England, Scotland and, then, Great Britain during the 17th and 18th centuries. Some houses from the period can be seen to have bricked-up window-spaces (ready to be glazed at a later date), as a result of the tax. The tax was introduced under the Act of Making Good the Deficiency of the Clipped Money, in 1696, under King William III, and was designed to impose tax relative to the prosperity of the taxpayer, but without the controversy that then surrounded the idea of income tax.

When the window tax was introduced, it consisted of two parts: a flat-rate house tax of 2 shillings per house and a variable tax for the number of windows above ten windows. The richest families in the kingdoms used this tax to set themselves apart from the merely rich. They would commission a country home or a manor house whose architecture would make the maximum possible use of windows. In extreme cases they would have windows built over structural walls. It was an exercise in ostentation, spurred by the window tax. Amazingly, the tax was not repealed until 1851.

Hat Tax

The hat tax was a tax levied by the British Government from 1784 to 1811 on men’s hats. The tax was introduced during the first ministry of Pitt the Younger, and was designed to be a simple way of raising revenue for the government in a rough accordance with each person’s relative wealth. It was supposed that the rich would have a large number of expensive hats, whereas the poor might have one cheap hat, or none at all. The hat tax required hat retailers to buy a license, and to display the sign Dealer in Hats by Retail. The cost of the retail license was two pounds for London and five shillings elsewhere. Heavy fines were given to anyone, milliner or hat wearer, who failed to pay the hat tax. However, the death penalty was reserved for forgers of hat-tax revenue stamps.

Cowardice Tax

The cowardice tax (properly known as scutage) was a special tax levied against people who chose not to fight for the King (not just for reasons of cowardice). The institution existed under Henry I (reigned 1100–1135) and was initially relatively cheap, but then King John raised it by 300% and started charging it to all knights in years in which there were no wars. This is partly what led to the Magna Carta. The tax lasted for around 300 years and was eventually replaced by other methods of fund-raising from the military.

Jock Tax

In the United States, the jock tax is the colloquially named income tax levied against visitors to a city or state, who earn money in that jurisdiction. Since a state cannot afford to track the many individuals who do business on an itinerant basis, the ones targeted are usually very wealthy and high profile, namely professional athletes. Not only are the working schedules of famous sports players public, so are their salaries. The state can compute and collect the amount with very little investment of time and effort. And as we all well know, the government doesn’t like to put an effort into anything.

Candy Tax

In September 2009, the state of Illinois decided to tax candy at a higher rate than other food. The Illinois Department of Revenue carefully explains that “if an item contains flour or requires refrigeration,” it is not considered candy and is taxed at the same lower rate as other food. This explanation legally classifies yogurt covered raisins as candy, but yogurt covered pretzels as food; Baby Ruth bars as candy, but Twix bars as food; Milky Way Midnight bars as candy, but original Milky Way bars as food.

Card Tax

The card tax is a great example of people being taxed for something which is popular and pleasurable. At the time of the instutution of the tax, playing cards was extremely popular after dinner (no doubt due to the lack of televisions and playstations) so the King saw an opportunity to fleece his people. The tax, along with the fancy design and manufacturer’s logo commonly displayed on the Ace of Spades began under the reign of James I of England (16th-17th century), who passed a law requiring an insignia on that card as proof of payment of a tax on local manufacture of cards. Until August 4, 1960, decks of playing cards printed and sold in the United Kingdom were liable for taxable duty, and the Ace of Spades carried an indication of the name of the printer and the fact that taxation had been paid on the cards.

What Are The Worst Trends of 2011?

We have 2011 to thank for new trends like the fascination with the iPhone's virtual assistant, Siri. But let's take a moment to consider what are the worst trends of 2011.

Wedge Booties

"One trend I would love to see put to rest in 2012 is the wedge ankle boot, especially worn with short skirts," says "Glee" costumer Jessica Pasternak, who saw the look on many a red carpet this year. The chunky footwear does nothing to elongate the leg. "It makes it look like you have stumps on your feet," says Pasternak.

Harem Pants

Harem pants, which reappeared three years ago and gained popularity in 2011, are the updated version of MC Hammer pants from the late '80s. They answer the question, "What would happen if you crossed skinny jeans with a skort, and then added an elastic waistband?" The result is a trend that only Gwen Stefani looks good in.

Fisherman Feathers

Feather lures made a debut as hair accessories this year. In fact, they were so popular that fly shops were low on inventory for the actual fisherman to use. While the feathers create a hippie chic appropriate for music shows like Coachella, "there are now a lot of 7-year-olds who wear them," said Sarah Bernard of the Thread. The trend was also noted by celeb stylist Jose Eber: "Adults should leave this one to the kids."

Pantyhose

While Kate Middleton gets plenty of praise for fashion inspiration, she also reintroduced sheer pantyhose this year. (And L'eggs launched its first TV ad in more than a decade.) While Tim Gunn respects her style, he is not a fan of the hosiery. "I think there are few things that look as anachronistic as a sheer stocking," he says. "If you're wearing stockings, it should be known!"

Super Stilettos

This year saw a rise in heel height, with six-inch shoes hitting recent New York runways. The low point of this trend? Sore feet aside, there is a risk that your footwear could actually send you to the hospital with back pain or worse.

Bandage Dresses

This skintight trend peaked in 2011 and was all over the red carpet. It reappeared frequently on celebs like Jennifer Love Hewitt, and it seemed like everyone took at least one turn in this tightly wrapped number. As Gotham and Hamptons' columnist Jeffrey Slonim notes, it's time to hang up this tired trend. Women everywhere can finally exhale and watch for a trend that's a little more forgiving.

P90X Workout

This high-impact DVD fitness series was invented years ago, but the latest version became a hot home workout trend of 2011. While the regimen has good intentions, "some people are so gung ho that there can be more risks than benefits," says nutritionist Wendy Bazilian. "It is very intense and a great boot camp to do with an instructor, but [without one] it's like being in a lion's den with no supervision."

Animal Prints

"I would ask women to think twice about their animal print choices," advises stylist Kimmy Erin, who styles celebrities like Katherine Heigl and is tired of this year's overabundance of the animal kingdom. "There are too many cheap-looking leopard prints that are destroying an otherwise super classic and chic look."

The Dukan Diet

The Dukan Diet surged in popularity at the beginning of 2011, when it was linked to Kate Middleton and her family's wedding weight loss. The high-protein, low-carb regimen, however, is "the cranky mood diet," according to Wendy Bazilian, DrPH, RD, a nutritionist at Golden Door Spa and author of "The Superfoods Rx Diet." "With this one, you are sure to have success at losing weight and then gaining it back again. This is all about restriction, and it should be more about what you can have." Another drawback? It "limits the possibilities for sharing meals," says "Spontaneous Happiness" author Dr. Andrew Weil, who suggests a diet that includes healthy carbs like whole grains, beans, sweet potatoes, and winter squashes.

Spider Lashes

The clumpy top and bottom eyelashes that result from a zillion coats of mascara made a dramatic appearance on celebs like Kim Kardashian and Nicki Minaj. The downside is "lumpy, messy mascara that takes double the time to take off that it did to put on. It's a nightmare," says "X Factor USA" style team member Kristofer Buckle. Chanel makeup artist Rachel Goodwin, who works with Lea Michele and Emma Stone, says spider lashes took off because of the overuse of magic-grow eyelash formulas. "Woman had more lashes than they knew what to do with. It looked like they had creatures on their eyes."